Confronting Transphobia at my Gym

(I posted this on facebook, but imagine that it will be taken down. So I’m posting it here, and will post a link to this blog on FB again if they take it down. I’m going to be a pain in the ass on FB until they take my account away)

I was soaking my aching lower back in the gym hot tub this morning when I overheard an older man warning two people of "a man who identifies as a woman going into the women's locker room." After hearing this, I went to the sauna. I sat there for thirty seconds before every muscle propelled me back to that man.

I walked up to him and asked him to repeat what he told those other people about locker room use. He verified what I heard. I looked him square in the face and told said, "If there is a trans person in the locker room, they are there to change their clothes like you and I. They have no interest in the people in those locker rooms. You can leave them alone."

Listen, I was just as shocked as him. If you know me, I'm the opposite of confrontational. I don't know how to fight. Never been in one. But his shock was different because he had not anticipated another cis-male to confront him about it. Assuming he needed to hear it again, I said, "You leave them alone," and walked away.

As I was leaving the gym, I could see him and his cronies in the corner of the pool; they all turned and stared me down. I walked past at first but decided to turn around and stand at the window and meet their stares. I spoke with the person at the front desk about the interaction, and the gym staff thanked me for how I handled the situation and affirmed that I have their support.

TW: Mention of Sexual Abuse/Abusers

I'm preparing to be in a confrontation with these men tomorrow. I don't know how this will play out. Maybe I'll be cornered in the locker room, or they won't say or do anything. But I'm fully prepared to remind these men that as far as sexual abusers go, history has proven that most of the abusers are cis-males. Older white men with access to gym locker rooms, Sunday school classrooms, nieces and nephews, etc.

If you come at me with the lie that Queer/Trans folks are the ones behind sexual abuse I will check you on that. I will remind you that in two decades of knowing Queer folks, and now finding myself in that community that the most dysfunctional sexual relationships I've ever known have ALL been heterosexual. I know couples where the wife is required to have sex with her partner every night before bed. My own father was pursuing sexually devious activity, resulting in some of the most traumatic events of my early life.

Spend time with Queer folks and you'll learn that they are talking about and having sex in the most respectful, consensual, and beautiful way. I will not stand any longer for the lies about this community I love.

The America DT wants includes old white men making the lives of trans people terrifying. I'm going to disrupt that every way I can.